Griffin Speaks

BATTERED MEN

The majority of men are aware that the boys in their life need their time and energy. We need to help them to grow into healthy young men. A problem we often encounter is defining what constitutes “being a man”. One thing for sure boys are frequently taught that a man should never hit a woman. This advice to young boys has contributed to an increase in the number of cases of “Battered Men”.

 The National Institute of Justice and the Center for Disease Control estimates that 835,000 men are the victims of domestic violence each year. Several years ago after receiving a new Morehouse Alumni Directory, I called an old classmate. He was the son of a very famous father. (He was not Martin Luther King Jr.’s son). I won’t call his name because I want to protect his privacy and he was a Jr. When I asked how he was doing he replied not well. I asked him what was wrong? He told me that he had just recently divorced a woman that beat him up all the time. You see he was raised to believe that real men don’t hit women. This was an eye opener for me. I had never heard of Battered Men. 

Every 38 seconds, somewhere in America a man is battered. Domestic violence is an issue of power and control in a relationship, and women can be family terrorists as well as men. What do I recommend that you do if you are in an abusive relationship with a woman? You need to talk about it. Tell the preacher or a good friend. Too often, men feel a double shame, the shame that an abused woman feels, and the “man shame” of being beaten up by a woman. I suggest that you don’t wait until she kills you. If she is extremely jealous or controlling, If she slaps you around or throws thing at you, don’t ignore the signs. Get out! 

The one defining characteristic of most abused men is that they are extremely embarrassed by their situation. Most men who have reached out for help are laughed at. They are often seen as less manly. As a result “Men Don’t Tell!” 

As the father of two sons and a daughter I have come to terms with what my advice to them should be on whether they should allow anyone to hit on them to maintain peace.  

1.) Before getting seriously involved with anyone you must attend at least three family reunions. Look at the relatives carefully they are anxious to tell the real story.  

2.) If the mom slaps the dad this should raise a red flag. 

3.) If a woman takes her fist and hit you, she has requested honorary male status and you should end the relationship.  

I often tell my kids that the key to survival is keeping your mouth shut and your hands to yourself! If the dead could speak I am certain they would say AMEN!

Greg Griffin is a free lance writer. You can read his previous articles by visiting his web page at www.greggriffin.com