Griffin Speaks

"SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ARE WHITE."

Ralph Ellison, says in his book " WHAT AMERICA WOULD BE LIKE WITHOUT BLACKS, ": Since the beginning of the nation, white Americans have suffered from a deep inner uncertainty as to whom they really are. One of the ways that has been used to simplify the answer has been to seize upon the presence of black Americans and use them as a marker, a symbol of limits, a metaphor for the "outsider." Many whites could look at the social position of blacks and feel that color formed an easy and reliable gauge for determining to what extent one was or was not American. Perhaps that is why one of the first epithets that many European immigrants learned when they got off the boat was the term "nigger" ---it made them feel instantly American. But this is tricky magic. Despite his racial difference and social status, something indisputably American about Negroes not only raised doubts about the white man's value system but aroused the troubling suspicion that whatever else the true American is, he is also somehow black.

When was the last time you heard a black person hint --or even say -- that "some of my best friends are white?"? It's not surprising to hear some version of that line from a white person proclaiming to have a black friend, but it is as rare as hen teeth to hear that line from a black person. Most white and black people have no idea what it's like to have a friend of a different race.

Here is why: A true friend of a different race isn't just an acquaintance, or someone you say hellos to at the water cooler, grocery store, post office or bar. A true friend of a different race is a man or woman who feels free to exchange confidences with, go to in need, and respond to in kind with a man or woman of a different race. Just as that person would with a true friend of his or her own race.

Can a white person be true friends with a black person? The answer lies in how he or she answers the following questions.

• Would it trouble you if a black person was your supervisor at work?
• Would it trouble you if a black person was your spouse's supervisor at work?
• Would you hire a black dentist or attorney?
• Would it trouble you if a black person got their hair cut or styled at your barber shop or beauty salon?
• Would it trouble you if your daughter, son, sister or brother announced that they were dating a black person?

The answer to these questions should be no, no, yes, no and no.

Given the way Blacks have suffered racism and been marginalized by American whites, its' often more difficult for blacks to take the initiative in establishing white friendships. If there is to be true camaraderie between whites and blacks, then whites must take it upon themselves -- through word and actions --to make it happen.

The color of a person's skin should not count when making friends. I was an adult before I had a true white friend. Although we integrated our schools in North Carolina when I was in the seventh grade, the thought of trusting someone white was foreign to me. I now enjoy many interracial friendships. I accomplished this by taking the initiative to accept people as people regardless of skin color. I decided that I would give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I started meaning it when I shook hands with people of a different race. I started trusting and judging people as individuals. I learned that many whites are less familiar with blacks and this unfamiliarity, fear of the unknown inhibited racial understanding. Black -White friendship is like a muscle. It must be exercised to get strong and remain strong. For all you doubting Thomases, I say this: Don't knock it until you've tried it. You may learn a secret or two. I certainly have learned some unbelievable secrets. I learned what a wiggler is!

In the next issue of the Montgomery-Tuskegee Times I will discuss the power of thought.